Mature

Ready for whats in store for me. My favorite guy is feeling down today. I hate the fact that I chose to love the more mature. This is bothersome. I sometimes think if and when he leaves, what in the hell would I do? I dread it. I hate the fact of knowing that we will not be able to spend OUR entire lives together. I have loved but not this kind. Its true that opposites attract. Two people from 2 totally different ends of the spectrum, attract. 12 years together and still havent given him what he wants. Im selfish but so is he. Well he actually is greedy. Sometimes I feel people marry to hold the other down. I want to be held down but then I dont. Well I do, but not with him. However, I cant let him go. I refuse to let him see if he can find happiness with another. I'll be sick. But now he's sick. And I dont know what to do. Shouldnt really think about it as it makes matters worse. But to have someone in your life, having your back when no one else will, is special. He's special. I wish he were younger.