I love men

Being a die hard heterosexual, is it really an issue that I seriously love men? I love everything about all men. I can honestly find at least two characteristics in any man that man makes him prospective for any woman. Men make me feel good about myself. They are the reason why I have high self esteem. I am not conceited but extremely confident. I have flaws but we all do. I never accentuate my imperfections. I just play on my perfections. Having only one committed relationship ever in my life, I found myself always wanting to be surrounded by men. A not so attractive gent, but well dressed and smelling great is so my type. I love one with some flaws. Give me a man with a chipped tooth....yummy. I wish I can be polyandryist.  That way I will be able to have my cake and eat it too. Im greedy and selfish. I want what I want. We only live once. 

Friday night was no differ than any other.................................................

I cant use real names but I will use initials. So M is always pissed because I wont have sex with him when he wants it(every night). Last night was no exception.  Im not your woman nor should I be the only woman your dating. If there is something one will not do, someone else will. We all know this.  I allow this man that I have been knowing for six years to damn near dictate my life. He doesnt think so but I do. To me, he's my friend/child. For the last year, I have been this man's codependent. No he's not on drugs, but he was in a transitional phase in his life where he was converting from the hustle to being legit. I ask of nothing financially from him, as he doesnt have it. When he did, it was good. He is husband material but not for me. I've been his friend/nurturer for so long that I cant be intimate with him....unless Im under the influence. He is good in bed, but I cant turn back the clock and feel the way I used to. He doesnt understand that though. He's in the friend zone and aint no coming out. He massaged my back for a while, thinking that was gonna help him get what he wanted. But I wasn't interested. He decided to sleep on the couch. Good night

Saturday was cool.........................................

SS came by my Honeycomb Hideout this afternoon to play. He used to irritate the hell out of me but now I somewhat like him. Not like him like that though. He's tolerable now. He can now ask me to do certain things and I consider it. It used to be a plain NO. He just bought a dog which will be his baby. He has no children and isnt married. I dont think he has a girlfriend but then again I cant come over to his house anymore. He chilled for about twenty five mins, then skedaddled. I'll see him in about two weeks.

My ATF came to see me when he left. Now thats my boo. He used to be so mysterious to me, which attracted me to him. Every time I saw him, it was like unveiling a piece of the mystery. Now after three years, I kind of have him figured out but not all the way. He is married with no children. I just knew he had children. Its a rarity that a successful, attractive, early forties married man doesnt have any children. I wonder if its his sperm or his wives reproductive system? Guess its not my business, but I can wonder. He came to see me when his father passed and I felt weird. I would've thought that he wouldn't be able to be in my company at at time like that. But it showed me that he is comfortable with me. Or he just needed to release some stress and tension. He loves to play at various golf courses throughout the Bay Area, just to check them out. I love when he pays me a visit in his golf gear. So damn cute. I wished we would've got more cozy today but he said,"next time". Damn, did I want it. MMMMmm just for him to share himself with me, is fine for now.